


Love, Oh Yeah That Emotion

by OmniscientProstitute



Category: Winter Falcon - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Past Violence, Sam appreciation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-14 23:07:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7194632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmniscientProstitute/pseuds/OmniscientProstitute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone expected Bucky to cling to Steve during his recovery. However, Sam was the one who caught his eye. It might have been his skills from working at the VA or it may be something completely different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cooking

Eating substantial meals was not the top priority for the Winter Soldier's handlers. Food, when it came, was often some form of protein bar. Thus, for the first few weeks of Bucky's, that was who he was now, rehabilitation his diet was purely soup. Not that Bucky complained. Soup was a vague memory from before, something he often gave to Steve when he got sick. Soup also tasted like Heaven in a bowl, but that may have been because it was made by Sam. Sam who cut up three different kinds of peppers, onions, and celery into tinny bites so Bucky could easily digest the vitamins and minerals he needed. Bucky was almost positive that anything made by Sam tasted like Heaven. Sam would share bites of meals he had made for himself and Steve. Meat like fish and chicken were easy to digest where beef had sat in his stomach like a rock for days. Bucky ate sweet bananas whenever he could and adored red peppers stuffed with rice and cheese. He relearned the face he made from eating sour apples and the ache from eating too many of Sam's triple chocolate chip cookies. Sam made food Steve said Bucky use to like but half the food he could no longer stomach: chili and shrimp.

Bucky would try anything that Sam made because Sam celebrated when Bucky didn't like something. He praised Bucky for forming opinions, a right Hydra had taken from him. It also meant he got to watch Sam cook. The ex-soldier would ask Bucky if he wanted to help but he always declined, terrified that he would mess up the Heaven Sam could somehow plate. Sam was a clean cook. He took ingredients out as he needed them and put them away when he was done. Bucky had a distinct memory of young Steve and Bucky covering a kitchen in flour while trying to make a cake for Steve's sick mother.

It was magic, the way Sam could cut vegetables quickly without nicking a finger. He knew which knife cut through what the best; it was like Bucky's ability to know what gun to use for each mission but Bucky didn't want to compare such ruthlessness to Sam's magic.

Bucky wants to sit Sam down and make him take a memory test because Bucky is convinced Sam remembers every recipe he has ever seen; anything from the exact measurement of sugar to how big a pinch of spice is for one dish compared to another. He knows what ingredients can be exchanged to get a similar or different result from the original recipe and how to convert from one measuring metric to another without hesitation. Bucky had to ask multiple times if Sam was positive he was not super powered: something mental that allowed him to remember. The response was always a no forced out between bursts of laughter, and tagged along with a comment about how proud his mother would be to hear that asked because she taught him cooking and baking skills. Bucky hoped that he would be able to thank her one day, for Sam in general as well as the cooking skills.


	2. Understanding

Memories often came to Bucky at inopportune moments. His first kiss came back to him in the middle of a lunch outing. It was the song on the radio "In the Mood" by Glenn Miller. She was a spunky curly haired blonde. Bucky had asked her to dance because she looked like she wanted to. Sam had laughed a little louder to draw attention to himself so Bucky could wipe off the blissed out look on his face. He must have had some sort of sixth sense, another potential magic power, to know when to ask Bucky if he wanted to talk about the monsters in his head. He didn't like connecting Sam to his memories from before Hydra. Sam wasn't from before so he had no place worrying about before. Bucky feared that if Sam became a part of before it would be harder for Sam to bring him back to the present when the dark memories hit. Nightmares, that made him scream until his vocal chords gave out, were the memories that he felt better about after he whispered them to Sam in the dark of the guest bedroom. Flashes of all of his victims begging for mercy, offering anything under the sun for a few minutes to call a loved one or write a letter. Sam would frown, the faintest downward curve and lean ever so slightly into Bucky. The frown always came with a speech, variations on a theme. _You cannot be held responsible for actions you didn't, couldn't, consent to._ The words were always spoken with conviction. Sam's jaw set in denial of any doubt. _I'm not saying you didn't kill anyone, because you did. I'm saying you wouldn't have done it if you had a choice._ Bucky believed the words enough to fall back to sleep, but doubt would always seep back in when Bucky was left alone with his thoughts while Sam was at the VA. _  
_

 

Sam would remind Bucky that he wasn't a monster whenever he felt the other needed to hear it. The ex-soldier only carried a small hand-gun on him, he left Bucky alone at his home without a second thought, and never shied away from touching Bucky. Sam left knives out while he was cooking because Sam understood that Bucky could easily kill him, and the only thing stopping him was that he didn't want to. He didn't want to because Sam didn't question it when he came home to find all the curtains drawn. He didn't look at Bucky with pity when the car across the street backfires sending Bucky into a defensive crouch. Sam even helped him case the house when they came back from the grocery store together.

 

Sam was understanding when Bucky couldn't leave his room because the memories were drowning out reality, leaving hims stuck in the 1940's taking care of a ninety pound Steve Rodgers. He didn't pressure Bucky into leaving the safe-house, only made options available when he was running errands or just running in the mornings. Bucky enjoyed running with Sam in the mornings because Sam was trustworthy and understanding about Bucky's preference to keep pace with him, about his need to get away from being a super soldier.


	3. Warm

The Winter Soldier's memories were always cold. He figured it was due to being holed up in Siberia or constantly being put in cryotubes. Bucky's constant state of cold lead him to having a very serious conversation with Sam about the thermostat. Sam had agreed, and mumbled something about pulling out old training tank-tops. Bucky hadn't realized how physically warm Sam was. The hall on the second floor of Sam's house was narrow. The ex-soldier had gone up to change out of his sweatpants and Bucky couldn't handle sitting still. They ran into each other, chests thumping together. Sam wrapped an arm around Bucky to keep him upright and Sam had shivered at Bucky's frigged skin while Bucky melted into the heat of Sam's. It was the first time they had real physical contact beyond shaking the other awake during a nightmare. Bucky craved contact from that moment on. He'd brush against Sam when they walked side-by-side in the grocery store, lessened the space between them on the couch, and stood next to Sam while he cooked instead of watching from the dining table. Sam's warmth radiated into the space around him: the sweatshirts Bucky "borrowed", the spot on the couch he normally occupied, the rounded joint of Bucky's metal arm which Sam often touched when he moved around the kitchen.

Sam's deep, booming, belly laugh warms Bucky especially if he's the one causing it. Sam had many different laughs. He occasionally snorted, but mainly blew short bursts of air out of his nose, when he thought someone was saying something stupid. When he was sleepy and Bucky was being extra snarky Sam let out low rumbling chuckles. Short barky laughs signified Sam had laughed at something he shouldn't have. True laughs happened the first time Bucky's metal arm needed maintenance. It loudly whirred and the various compartments opened and closed rapidly. Or the time Bucky decided his hair was too long and took a pair of scissors to his head while Sam was at the VA. It was uneven and obvious that Bucky had become frustrated quickly because the scissors were buried in the wall up to the green plastic hilt. Sam had laughed wholeheartedly and made a "Sword in the Stone" reference while he pulled the scissors out of the wall. They ended up having to use Sam's hair clippers and cut Bucky's long hair short in order to make it look decent; it ended up longer than the pictures in the Smithsonian but shorter than what Bucky preferred.

Sam's warmth blanketed Bucky permanently after enough time passed. He was able to turn the heater down and not be transported back to the Winter Soldier's memories. Sometimes Bucky got cold at night, but he knew he could crawl into Sam's room and get warm again.


	4. Vulnerability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the third chapter I've uploaded today because I can't be fucked with upload schedules.

The Winter Soldier was unfamiliar with muscular men being vulnerable. His handlers, although mortals, were stronger than him and his targets were normally politicians without much defensive training. Then he was taken in by the Avengers and he became familiar with Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, and super spies who could take a hit just as well as the genetically advanced. He often had to remind himself to be careful when he returned home, that was what Sam's house had become, because Sam had not undergone similar training. It was always the little reminders that impacted Bucky the most: Sam's right elbow clicked from one of the times Bucky threw him into a near-by car or building, after their morning runs it took him longer to regulate his breathing and heart rate, and the cuts, bruises, broken bones, and other trophies, that's what Sam called his battle injuries, healed slowly. Bucky couldn't remember how quickly mortal wounds healed; he couldn't base his estimations off Clint and Natasha because blows normally didn't land on them and if they did the two would disappear. Sam had broken his leg during a mission and Bucky had grown aggravated at how slowly Sam healed.

Sam was noticeably aging. There were family pictures that featured a young Sam and his family in his room and a picture featuring Riley from their first year in the military tucked away in a corner of the living room. Sam looked differently than he did with Riley even though it was only years ago. He was a different kind of muscular and looked more tired. Steve hadn't changed physically from the day he was originally injected with the serum. Bucky was the spitting image of himself seventy years ago, maybe a little more haunted and longer haired. He often dreamed about raiding a Hydra base and finding a secret stash of serum and injecting Sam with it, because Bucky feared Sam's morality.

Unlike the Avengers Sam never suppressed his defenselessness. On the anniversary of Riley's death Sam had baked a triple layer chocolate cake and refused to change out of his pajamas. Sam openly cried during Bambi, Dumbo, and The Lion King. He never lied about his nightmares or when he felt terrified. Sam occasionally returned from missions and clung to Bucky for an hour before spilling the truth, that he had feared for his life, like coffee on a white linoleum floor. It was easier to hear Sam prompt him to talk about his feelings because he practiced what he preached, whereas Steve kept his troubles from Bucky.


	5. Sam was not Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who commented on this piece. Anytime I got an email about a comment left on this post I held my breath expecting the worst but was only greeted with the best. Thank you for the support and the love for this piece.

Aside from the obvious difference in physical attributes--skin color, height, voice--they were independent from the other. Where Steve led with his heart, Sam used his head. Steve preferred to surround himself with vibrant eye-popping colors. Sam's wardrobe consisted of muted blues and greys. Steve was particular about the language he used. Sam cursed with abandon and indifference to which words he used. Steve would always be Bucky's best friend. They had gone through war and The Depression. He'd finished Steve's fights for him; a duty he would probably never be relieved from. Steve was Bucky's past while Sam was Bucky's future. He shared a bed with Sam. He survived the Winter Soldier Trials with Sam stood firmly at his side. Sam was different from Steve because Bucky loved Sam differently. His love for Steve was sharing stories about the various girls they'd been sweet on. It was seeing who could make the loudest smacking sound by throwing the other onto the training mats. Brotherly love that gave Bucky peace of mind when he let Steve take a few hits before helping him in battle with hopes that he'd learn not to just run into things. His love for Sam was eating spicy food because Mexican was Sam's favorite. It was trading insults in the middle of making love and needing to take a breather because they were laughing too hard. Romantic love that gave Bucky heart palpitations anytime Sam threw himself off buildings or out of planes. Love that sneaked up on Bucky and terrified him every day.

It was a love that Bucky should have recognized the instant the first spoonful of soup passed his lips: the first time he had a nightmare and Sam had come running with a gun in order to protect him not hurt him: the first time he'd truly felt warm since before: the first time Sam came to Bucky with fear in his eyes. He should have known. He was a finely trained assassin who was supposed to be able to know everything about his victim through a one second assessment and he couldn't recognize his own love for a man who deserved the world.


End file.
